Loved. Contrived. Forever?

Recently its been in the air. Talk of marriage, love, children and commitment.

Which is better? What defines a better marriage? How do you know your ready? Is it even necessary in todays modern world?

Im not sure. From where I sit, things are something like this. Marriage is relationship one forms with someone they love, its a custom much like birthday parties, it acknowledges your commitment to the one person for the rest of your lives. Forever.

Thats all well and good, but what about those marriages that end in divorce or separation? I know many of these. And the people have moved on. They live. I can also think of people who haven't married but are happy and comfortable. Some have children, some dont see the need.

Others are married in what is termed an 'arranged' marriage. This is a custom in most traditional Indian families. Parents of the bride or groom - whoevers hunting - introduces them to appropriate spousal candidates, Appropriate has varied meanings for different families. Some prefer their inlaws to be richer, others for their family values to be incrediblyhigh. More still like the brides family to be able to afford a sizeable dowry. Dowry is the name applied to a sum of money + gifts given to the grooms' family as a means of saying 'thank-you for taking our daughter as a member of your family, please keep her well.' Its also a system used to discriminate against those who don'y have enough money. Its a conflicted concept.

Today, many families choose to forgo the dowry. Its seen as a aged custom. One that needs to be done away with. Personally, I agree. It seems to me as if one is paying relative-strangers to take away the bride. Many others agree with this idea, perhaps this is why the tradition is receeding, good riddens I say.

Getting back to arranged marriages, for the last thirty odd years the Indian tradition has changed. Now people tend to marry those they've dated and or known for a while. Arranged marriages occur in two kinds of families: one where the child is happy to let their parents help them choose; and others where the child is too afraid to tell their parents not to help them choose. They are really the only two reasons I can see.

It sound kind of easy to me. Your introduced to someone via your family, through advertisements in newspapers/magazines /websites etc. You meet. You go through a courtship. Very old school. And then after a few meetings you decide, yes? Or no. Yes means we move to engagements and what can be a exciting courtship period between engagement and wedding. There are dates, games, dinners, interaction on a very verbal and psychological level. The idea is to get to know your future partner in every way but the physical. Lol. Sounds difficult and old fashioned, doesnt it?

Could be nice.

Especially the way Indian movies show the courtship and all to be. Now, why do I suspect this is false advertising? *wink*

On the other hand love marriages sound like fun too. You meet someone, you fall in love, there are trumpets and fanfare, followed by a few joint replicas of the bride/groom. And voila! Successful marriage.

Sounds easy right? I suppose the drawbacks of a love marriage could range from parental rejection to the fear of early marital discord.

I suppose they both have their pros and cons right. They both have the potential to start off wonderfully and descend into darkness. Or they could start off with some trouble and go onto be interesting and lovely phases of life.

Either way, it sounds too confusing to me. This whole trusting someone else with yourself and your feelings. Its a lot of faith to put into one person. Hmm well I guess we'll see as time goes on.

Interesting train of thought though - I wonder what people in these relationships would say.

Going through the motions

I didn't think I'd feel calm after handing in the thesis.

It was expected by everyone else I know, but I seemed to have missed that memo. I didn't panic until the last 3hours. That's a little.. odd? I suppose. I just didn't feel the real need to panic. I knew what I was handing in wasn't the overall best I could have done, but factoring in time constraints and other factors not exactly within my control, I figured, well, I can be glad Im doing as well as I am.

Is that too much glass half full mentality? Probably, for most. But I like seeing the gladness in situations. It works for me. Besides, everyone I know freaks out so much over so many things, someone has to be calm right?

And when I do freak out, I love how everyone helps out. My friends are awesome. Well, most of you are.

Right then, this was my post thesis blah faze post. Tomorrow we move onto the world of the titans.

And for that we can all be glad.

Agent152: Wisdom shared

Agent152 sent me this fantastic speech made by a brilliant character on critically acclaimed television show Jack&Bobby- its wonderful for all university students - thought I'd share the wisdom--

Grace McCallister's Moonlight Address to the students of Plains State University
Good evening. I want to welcome you tonight to... a renaissance.
For some of you this night marks a return to your college life, for some of you a new beginning. And so, upon the eve of the tremendous journey upon which you are all embarking, I'd like to offer you a thought to take with you. Listen carefully: you will fail here. All of you. College is not the culmination of your high school career. It is the beginning of your adult life. Only it is a slow sweet beginning that feels nothing like what life and all the attending obligations will eventually bring. So fail here... This is your chance.

Do things you know you can't do, or think you can't do but hope in your deepest most secret hidden heart that you can.

Be bad at things. Be embarrassed. Be vulnerable. Go out on a limb. Or two. Or twelve.

The harder you fall, the farther you'll rise. And the louder you fail, the clearer the distant bell of your future will ring. Failure is a gift. Welcome it. There are people who spend their lives wondering how they became the people they became, how certain chances passed them by and why they didn't take the road less traveled. Those people are not you.

You have the front-row seat to your own transformation. And in transforming yourself, you might just transform the world. Believe that, and embrace the new person you're becoming. This is your moment. Now. Not ten minutes from now, not tomorrow, really now. Know that, truly in your bones, and wake up each morning remembering it. And then keep going.

Caped Crusader Twosomes

We all have them. Smallscreen couples you just can't help but love. These are my current favourite twosomes - not lovers, just friends who share well, from fluids to lines with everything in between!

10. Holmes & Watson

If you've ever read a Sherlock mystery you'll see the appeal. They share a largely detrimental relationship, where Holmes is provided with a regular 'simpleton,' much like the readers - to bounce his ideas off of. Works really well however, as Watson develops into the underdog I most certainly, was rooting for.

"By heavens, Holmes!"

9. Spike & Giles

Alrite, so maybe not necessarily a bestfriend duo, but the scenes between these two are rife with detestation, fear, threats, wit and sarcasm that I just adore! Not to mention their relationship really does progress from mortal enemies and food source to room mates and later mortal enemies again!

"You know, for someone who's got "Watcher" on his resume', you might want to cast an eye to the front door every now and again."

8. Dresden & Murphy

One of my all time favourite wizard / detective duos. Harry's a wizard and Murphy's a cop. Perfect! They bicker, they banter and like a later couple on the list they are destined to be together. What can I say? I like happy endings!

"It comes to me like the clearbeam of sunlight!"

7. Grey & Yang

Meredith and Christina have an equation similar to what I had with Anita - there is zero tolernace for bullshit and absolute refusal to be anything other than brutally honest. There are no friends quite like the ones you have at 15; so Grey and Yang constitute this for me.

"You're the messy one."
"No, no, my apartment's messy, my locker's messy, but I am not messy. Sometimes you have like food and stuff in your hair."

6. Castle & Beckett

Mystery writer with wit and a repetoire of comebakcs just waiting to be unleashed on all. Meets sexy, suave, awesome-haired female detective with her own demons - really, does it get much better than this?

"Did you know in the original Greek, 'tragedy' literally means 'goat song'? I know, doesn't make any sense to me either, but whatever that first story was, I can't help but think, bad things must have happened to that goat.."

5. Mal & Crew

Alrite, so its not exactly a twosome- but conversation with Mal is just simply.. divine! Nathan Fillion who portrays both Castle and Mal does so with so much un airbrushed wit its hard not to fall in deep lust with the man- i mean his characters. The captn of a spaceship carrying regular forms of [illegal] loot and cargo that require ingenius disguises, whats not to love?

"If anyone gets nosy, just...you know... shoot 'em. "
"Shoot 'em?"
"Politely."

4. Harry Potter & Ron Weasley

Hermione shuold probably feature in this tag, however I feel the friendship between Ron and Harry deserves a special mention. All those late night chats in the dorm, the frequent life saving and yearlt tradition of battling the great evil with witty - and fearful- banter, perfect, just *sniffle perfect.

"There you go, Harry," Ron shouted over the noise. "You weren't being thick after all - you were showing moral fiber!"

3. Dean & Sam Winchester

Two HOT brothers. Hunting demons and things that go bump in the night. With predictable but humorous dialogue. Jensen Ackles. Really, do I need to elaborate further? Oh, he went to hell! Survived and came back. Sure, he had to get the guilty on for a while afterwards, but really, it was totally worth it to see him all sweaty and sexily tied up..

"So burning the body had no effect on that thing?"
"Sure it did – now it’s really pissed."

2. Merlin & Arthur

Its a century where the men are sexy, dorky and magical. Why, oh why am I in this awful period of time where the men are neither of the three? The story of Arthur and Merlin is old, we all know it on some level, this show make them the same age and turns foe into friend - cannot wait for the second season, you just know Art is not going to be impressed when he realises Merlin is oh so very much sexier with his magic then Art himself is with his sword.. although, that does have a certain appeal..

"Wow, and how long have you been training to be a pratt?"
"You can't address me like that."
"Sorry... How long have you been training to be a pratt... my Lord?"

1. Veronica Mars & Wallace Finnel

Yep, they are my most favourite caped crusaders- wel maybe not caped. But the friendship that develops after V cuts W down from the flagpole, gold. The way they are always there for one another, its just perfect and all of this is done with minimal actual speaking- they are just actions, and thats probably the best form of friendship Ive ever seen *wink*

Thanks to you, I now have the reputation of being a jock-sniffer.

In all my glory

Some days, the image is perfectly tuned.

the wisdom in vanilla chai tea

There lingers a soft, but tangent taste of vanilla and tea leaves as soon as the cup has been moved. Each sip and slurp enlivens every last tastebud of my tongue.

Thessy begins with a blank piece of paper where several thoughts are formed in thick, black, times new roman characters. Every sentence seems wrong and somehow requiring serious improvement.

As the hot liquid coats the insides of my mouth it allows each taste bud a chance to savour the freshly sugared feel of it.

Each word has serious contemplation behind it - sometimes the words have sprung so quickly from my mind through to my fingers, there has not been a beat between the actions.

Vanilla is one of my favourite things. The scent, the taste, the aroma when it is mixed with tea, each form it comes in: tea, cream, colouring, paint, food. Never am I not biased when it is in the list.

Writing is one of my favourite things. The power of a word, of thoughts expressed well. The feel of a good sentence as it leaves your mind and forms on the page. The emotions others can invoke through the simply complicated tool of language. It is a skill some learn, others command, and few master.

While the fascination with vanilla continues, the fascination with thessy is coming to an end.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..

Confessions of the be-lated

I think belated is a term applied, generally to those who have died. Passed on. Croaked. Left their aged and wrinkly bodies for the glory of youth and false hope? That act, you know.

Totally applies to Em from Meg Cabot's Airhead and me at the moment. Em has her brain transplanted from her dead body to the live body of a supermodel. She is technically declared dead and buried, only to look in the mirror, feel herself mentally capable but physically repulsive. Well, repulsive to only her brain that is, everyone else loves Nikki's body. Especially Stark enterprises whom she models for.

Im in a similar situation. Oh, put down the phone! I am not being transplanted to anyone's body - much to my chargrin - simply, there is far too much activity in my mind and not enough in my fingers.

She imagined progress to be a square, solid substance of metal; it flew past like the brilliant burst of breath filled bubbles one blows through a bubbler.

There are something like 5 days between me and a thesis deadline.
A few more than that between Jude's birthday and my presence at it.
Some more plus those will bring a night of boardgames.
Another one and Me and Mrs Khanna shall party.
Hopefully by the sixteenth dawn I shall be at Sam's dinner.
A moon past that and there shall be Dotter-love.
Following that a little beachparty with Chabi.
Next some graduation cake and a flight to London with agent152.

All in all, if the next five days dont leave me dejected and empty there shall be a multitude of moments to look forward too.

I insist on having a movies-you've-always-wanted-to-see night with mon and agent152 + the dotters before departure. Everything else may be left for later and after.

agent152 has promised me 500 days of summer and her favourite where the wild things are - IF i accomplish all tasks relating to thesis by monday. This may sound fair, but it really isnt.. its what I like to think of as blackmail *wink* and its working.. so no complaints!

I dont remember if agent152 was wished a loud and boistrous happy birthday on here.. so this image from me to you shall say happy 22nd with atleast 50 more [with me] to come!

And if your reading this, which you probably are, thanks for today agent152. Really, thank you - and we shall bring in christmas and 2010 with such fanfare as never before *wink*

I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.

A trip to the dentist

Why is it that some people can Never be satisfied? Every little occurrence has to be of epic proportions in the screw up department.

I can think of two people who are on holidays right now - and having a simply awful time. It isn't that they don't have enough time to do everything or see places or meet new friends, its more so that they are disappointed with how things aren't going to plan.

I wish I had 5 cents for every time things didn't go to plan. I would have millions of dollars to take my own holidays with.

In my humble opinion, if you've gone away, with a mission to have fun, your One and Only aim should be to ensure you have fun. Especially considering you've spent hundreds and thousands of dollars to get to where you are, not including money to ensure you return home with great stories about how much fun it was, and all the new things you did, saw and learnt.

If your going to stay in your hotel room or wherever and have a constant whine about how boring things are, or how you aren't having any fun, how sad for you that no one will be showing you any sympathy.

Its called a holiday for a reason. You go away, get lost, get sore but come home and brag about all the fantastic things you did and saw. Its a new experience, embrace it. Not whinge about all the things you couldn't because no one would take you out and about.

Their called travel books? Say it with me now, Tra-vel Boo-ooks.

When things don't go to plan, grow up, find a different way and please, for the sake of everyone sanity, stop being so melodramatic.

If you insist on whinging, I suggest you pay for my next trip and take yourself to the dentist.
I hear their great for a relatively cheap whinge session.

Faith, Hope & Trick

No more blog page name changes I do solemnly swear on this day at 6:20am AEST time.

Its like finding the comfort zone with a good cup of coffee. You don't just drink it on any old table or chair, there is always that special place where you go with the steaming mug to enjoy a some RnR.

Not that there has been any of that in my recnt past or future few days. But Im sure, we'll get there eventually.

This Buffy episode is up there in my top ten. Faith arrives, Angel returns and Trick causes chaos as usual. What's not to love?

Similarly, Ive got faith that chapter one shall be submitted today. Day. During daylight hours. There's some shred of hope left that I will get to complete that impossible list of aims below this post. And I swear, if Trick was to appear right now, Im fully equipped to deal with whatever chaos he can throw my way.

Way to challenge my karma there. Just throw out the gauntlet and let it fall, let it fall..

Hey, I may be a cold-blooded jelly doughnut, but my timing is impeccable.

25 days to deadline

Not quite a whinge, more a physical note of what this week should bring, apart from hammers in my head and steam trains through my heart.

Two finished chapters
An essay
Between one and another films'
A blog post
Crumplette wages
Some warmth
and a partridge in a pear tree

Im looking forward to writing the third chapter of thessy. Its scary, almost as scary as the first is right now. I finally know what I want to say, just a matter of saying it clearly now. Ahh, structure, how you elude me.

The essay will be interesting. Something else Im looking foward to writing. It isnt about vampires. Its about freedom from oppression under the face of adversity, perhaps through adversity. Cliche a little there, yet..

Flights shall be booked this week. Officially meaning I can escape Christmas yet again. I wonder how many more I can miss before my mother puts her foot down.

Have already started planning next years' holiday. Im sure Lucifer's reserved a special set of chains and hots rods for me by now, I figure why not get a few nine inch rusty nails for my fingers while Im at it.

May just be me, but Im cold. Feels as if a chill has seeped into the tips of my fingernails and trailed its way up through my fingers into my palms, up through my forearms, past my elbows, through by body, shooting straight down to my knees, to settle in the creases of my feet, at the very tips of my toes.

The best laid plans are the ones that lead us unto temptation and misery. I wonder which end of the spectrum I shall be in come next Sunday.

Abra-Kadabra!

If only things would materialise when that word is uttered. Though if Harry Potter has taught me one thing, its that magic isn't simple either.

Kinda sucks when we are oh so human and have so many things to do and see that time just will not cooperate.

Case in point: thessy. Elusive, liminal, monster that she has become. I feel my world being consumed, my thoughts being subsumed. Overwhelmed is perhaps the right word.

Im having trouble finding the words. It isnt so hard when I write a story or tell a tale. Those are my words, to play with and set out as I wish.

Thessy has her own language, her own rules. Games aren't allowed. There is to be no play. I must be to the point. Metaphors must be explained. Adjectives are allowed within reason. The rules are strict and clear upon this.

Borders and fences were never my thing. I can cross them. Leap across them. But adhering to a boundary is not in my programming. I wasn't built that way.

Just wasn't.

Chapter One submitted today.

30 days till deadline.

Must be done atleast a week before the 23rd.

Oh dear, oh dear.

Counting toads, dresses and glass bottles

I suppose it comes from not developing better study habits as a child.

Do I blame Mother for this? Flashback. Im 7 years old, in the second grade and eager [scary child that I was] to do my homework. Something along the lines of maths mentals and basic english skill textbooks comes to mind, oh bright coloured covers how I miss thee!

Mother's input: "Great film this was, fond memories.." *sighs contently* And that dear friends, would be the end of that. I would watch the film / tv show and homework was left till the morning before when I could rush through it and still whoop serious 2nd grader butt.

*Glee*

But really I think the habit building [ or non building] occurred earlier than that. Distinctly remember reading borrowed books and eyeing homework wistfully, thinking with all my 1st grade innocence that since it was so easy I could do it later and still be okay. Not until grade 6 did I realise the point of homework: to challenge and reiterate things we had learnt in class. Sadly, I had a slow attention span in class, only ever heard two-fifths of whatever was discussed / explained.

Homework to me had always been the teacher's way of giving us that day's lesson on paper. This way, if I didnt pay attention in class it didnt matter. When I got home, there it was! On paper! In textbooks! To be read, understood and enjoyed at my leisure. Bit late by the 6th grade to alter this whole mind set, not to mention get my head around the actual aims of homework: torture. Specially designed for little people under the age of 16.

And I wonder where my problem lays. Clearly, these habits must be broken.

Have procrastinated a lot today, but tomorrow shall see GMan recieve my first chapter, and I want to be happy with it. Proud of it, even. Maybe even a little too proud?

That might have to come later.

*Le sigh*

On the topic of le sigh, have picked that up from JaJa Binks : similar to her taking over of my dear oh dear moments [taken from Edward].. Friends, such a tradition of verbal exchanges is what binds us. Wicked last night was pretty...Wicked. It blew my expectations, which weren't sky high, but definitley tree branch high. Elphalba was played brilliantly! The others were great too, but Elphie took the cookies and cream from everyone's cake by far. The ending was happified. Fieryo and Elphie are shown to dance [skip?] off into the sunset together.. which some thought needn't have happened.

Me? I like happy endings. As MJ well knows, I begin to melt like the Wicked Witch from Oz when a film ends in depressing or cliffhanger-y ways. I like to go home /to bed / wherever knowing the characters have learned a lesson, found some peace and or are smiling and looking to the future with a grin. Or teary eyes. Either works.

There are exceptions to this, that shall be discussed later. For now, Thessy requires serious slayage.

Today's muddle: When does one outgrow discovering new modes of procrastion?

Wash, spin, rinse. Repeat.

"When will they stop? The voices have now become loud and and fused. Its hard to hear individuals, are there any singularities? No. They are all repeated. Appropriated from one another, stolen from her mind, his book, this film and those songs.
Originality has died, yet again.
Only to be ressurected tomorrow, and destroyed once, twice. And repeat."

Its become a cycle now. Tradition even. I take on some of you, you take on some of him, he takes on some of her and she steals much of it from me.
My head hurts. The cycle continues. There is far too much of a lack of individuality in this smallishly connected world.

So go on, be some more of me and I'll be some more of him and he'll..

Unimaginatively, yours.

I love it when people say "wow, thats unique."

That's so inidividualcrazymindblowingnewandfreshawesomelyyou and different are also favourites. How much of this new, really has never been done before? Green, the deep emerald and Irish green have become seasonal colours this year. Is it the first time? Or are we revisiting some years ago?

Blue. The edgy and vibrant blue, not quite royal, not quite navy, in between with a tinge of metal.

I like the blue.

Though I suspect, this time next year there shall lamenting going on when I have an overdraft of the same blue in different dress formations.

Last year it was black. Somehow Ive come to own between 20 and 25 dresses in the deepest of blacks. No, some of these cannot be mistaken for navy. There is a whole section dedicated to navy too. And don't get me started on the red/black combo.

There is a point to this, I can just see your eyes rolling..

Why do we buy the latest and greatest of fashion labels? Ive made a consistent effort this year to not just buy what is in' or new. Its hard, but somewhat do-able. Which leads me to today's wonder: why can't others just come up with their own-ness?

Its a tad driving-me-round-the-bend ish at this point. Its all well and good to claim individuality, but if your unique factor comes from me [or someone else], Im afraid its making us two of a kind. Much like cliches, overused and largely abused does not make for a great line.

Be different, be [or wear] what works for you.

Whatever. Lets open those doors and windows, and allow some ingenuity to seep in. Something that is all you and none of me.

Today's muddle: when does a human child become adult? And how does one stop this process-

The Prom Disaster

Prom. The word incites fluffy pink taffetta ball gowns, shiny shoes with nail sharp edges and an overall sense of the sparkly end to official teenagerdom. If your Buffy it conjures images of hellhounds, vampiric dumping and an all out battle before getting ready for the big dance, where you will be dateless.

Ah the joys of being a Slayer.

My past few weeks have been much like the dramatic battle Buffy deals with pre her prom. It all starts off so well. B and Angel are all snuggly post a night of slayage and beheading. Then we cut to a conscience crashing Angel faced with Mrs Summers making clear and definitive points about our B and the beautiful Angel can never have a future together.. blah blah blah.

As if authors worldwide have made millions proving simply the opposite.

Angel breaks up with Buffy. Cue tears. We then cut to a scene where the ever sparring Cordy and Xander are attacked by hellhounds. Violins. Upon reviewing footage of the attack we see the hellhound aiming specifically for a boy in a [albeit] hideous tux. Justice prevails! Well, the Scoobys dont see it my way. Buffy realises she must first destroy the hellhound if there is to be a prom ala prevention of tux boys being eaten by evil, hairy dog-monster. But really, is there any point? Her boyfriends' just dumped her, everyone else has paired off, the chances of her getting the highly prized and overrated last dance with her soulmate stand at zero and Giles + Wesley are chaperoning the entire night of disaster.

Ofcourse there is! she says.
Well, more like :Your all going to have a nice, happy, 80s teen flick kinda prom if it kills me. But you get my general gist.

And you know, in the end she arrives at prom, a little late, a little out of breath, but she gets there. Jonothan gives her an award, an official recognition plaque / umbrella of silver that says thank you for giving Class of 99 the lowest mortality rate of any Sunnydale graduating class.My favourite moment? Angel arrives [looking absolutely yummy] in a tux to hold her for the last dance. What do we learn from this: Fight those hellhounds and have yourself a largely altered, but equally [if not more] awesome night.

Today's lesson: Once the evil of Thessy has been slayed, there shall be a high amount of partying and fun to be had.

Pow Wow'd and Plundered

Its been one of those weeks. Or perhaps fortnights. At the moment, the world is blurred and hazy through my sunglasses. This picture will speak a lot louder than anything I am able to verbalise? Write out. Write out now. Here it is, in all its multi dimensional beauty.