Loved. Contrived. Forever?

Recently its been in the air. Talk of marriage, love, children and commitment.

Which is better? What defines a better marriage? How do you know your ready? Is it even necessary in todays modern world?

Im not sure. From where I sit, things are something like this. Marriage is relationship one forms with someone they love, its a custom much like birthday parties, it acknowledges your commitment to the one person for the rest of your lives. Forever.

Thats all well and good, but what about those marriages that end in divorce or separation? I know many of these. And the people have moved on. They live. I can also think of people who haven't married but are happy and comfortable. Some have children, some dont see the need.

Others are married in what is termed an 'arranged' marriage. This is a custom in most traditional Indian families. Parents of the bride or groom - whoevers hunting - introduces them to appropriate spousal candidates, Appropriate has varied meanings for different families. Some prefer their inlaws to be richer, others for their family values to be incrediblyhigh. More still like the brides family to be able to afford a sizeable dowry. Dowry is the name applied to a sum of money + gifts given to the grooms' family as a means of saying 'thank-you for taking our daughter as a member of your family, please keep her well.' Its also a system used to discriminate against those who don'y have enough money. Its a conflicted concept.

Today, many families choose to forgo the dowry. Its seen as a aged custom. One that needs to be done away with. Personally, I agree. It seems to me as if one is paying relative-strangers to take away the bride. Many others agree with this idea, perhaps this is why the tradition is receeding, good riddens I say.

Getting back to arranged marriages, for the last thirty odd years the Indian tradition has changed. Now people tend to marry those they've dated and or known for a while. Arranged marriages occur in two kinds of families: one where the child is happy to let their parents help them choose; and others where the child is too afraid to tell their parents not to help them choose. They are really the only two reasons I can see.

It sound kind of easy to me. Your introduced to someone via your family, through advertisements in newspapers/magazines /websites etc. You meet. You go through a courtship. Very old school. And then after a few meetings you decide, yes? Or no. Yes means we move to engagements and what can be a exciting courtship period between engagement and wedding. There are dates, games, dinners, interaction on a very verbal and psychological level. The idea is to get to know your future partner in every way but the physical. Lol. Sounds difficult and old fashioned, doesnt it?

Could be nice.

Especially the way Indian movies show the courtship and all to be. Now, why do I suspect this is false advertising? *wink*

On the other hand love marriages sound like fun too. You meet someone, you fall in love, there are trumpets and fanfare, followed by a few joint replicas of the bride/groom. And voila! Successful marriage.

Sounds easy right? I suppose the drawbacks of a love marriage could range from parental rejection to the fear of early marital discord.

I suppose they both have their pros and cons right. They both have the potential to start off wonderfully and descend into darkness. Or they could start off with some trouble and go onto be interesting and lovely phases of life.

Either way, it sounds too confusing to me. This whole trusting someone else with yourself and your feelings. Its a lot of faith to put into one person. Hmm well I guess we'll see as time goes on.

Interesting train of thought though - I wonder what people in these relationships would say.

We're adults. When did that happen. And how do we make it stop?

Babies are untouched. Not scribbled on, none of that erasing that comes with adults.
How do we go from there to here?

When does it all change? When do we realise the difference between good and bad, black and white, hot and cold, why is it that any of this even matters? When is it that a child becomes responsible?

Is it that first goldfish your parents buy you in the hopes of removing some of the childish selfishness built into each of us, like maybe caring for a small orangely golden aquatic veterbrate is going to insight some kind of growth in human mammals. Or maybe its that first babyesque doll that burps and poops so much like you that like it or not we develop an inferiority complex whereby The Doll is an Other in direct competition with us for some unknown prize.

Okay that was far too Dr Phill of me.

I hate responsibility. Only realised this over the last few days, responsibility is a real bitch. And by bitch I refer to the fact that being in this awful state of 'responsible' for another thing, act or person requires you to be in control of, or to be accountable for this completely Other being.

Working on Thessy has made me realise that Im responsible for it. Not only that, Im responsible for making it as good or bad a piece of writing as it is ever going to be. Im also responsible for my mother, and my share of the work at C. Im responsible for my friends when they are jubilant or sad. Responsibility is multi-faceted and far reaching. And I can't think of any area in which I haven't screwed up.

So my decisions, my acts, my ideas will now [and for however long Ive been in this terrible state] have been impacting someone other than me. Gumby. Is it any wonder than, that my life has become a poster ad for squashed banana's and spike heels?

Mmhm. Use that imagery and go with it.

Some bright spark once said, you know your an adult when you realise your responsibilities. I think what he should have said, was when you royally screw up most of your areas of responsibility, then you know your an adult.

Today's muddle: how do we stop being adults?